Mi guardo allo specchio.
Non ho quella che si definisce una bella cera.
Colpa forse delle poche ore che ho dormito questa notte o forse no.
Osservo il mio viso, la mia barba che non faccio da ormai 5 giorni.
Mi piace pero’ la mia barba perche’ e’ fitta, ruvida, dura come me. E poi non e’ a ciuffetti ma uniforme.
Pero’ mi da’ fastidio quando la tocco e mi da’ anche l’impressione di sporco.
Domani la tagliero’, per forza, non posso continuare cosi’.
Guardo i miei capelli corti, e’ incredibile quando ero giovane li avevo fatti crescere adesso li odierei lunghi.
E poi corti almeno nascondono i capelli bianchi. Perdon, brizzolati. Che poi e’ un modo piu’ carino per dire la stessa cosa. A 17 anni con i primi capelli bianchi una signora mi disse che ero affascinante e mi chiedeva quante raggazze ci fossero a fare la fila. Beh, io quella fila non l’ho mai vista.
Forse ha sbagliato indirizzo.
Adesso che sono passati 14 anni cerco di mimetizzarli il piu’ possibile. Una volta avevo anche pensato anche alla tinta ma ero stato vivamente sconsigliato da chi le vendeva.
Mi aveva consigliato un prodotto piu’ naturale ma meno visibile. L’ho usato una volta, non ho visto grandi risultati, ce l’ho ancora il flacone. Adesso uno dei motivi perche’ ho i capelli corti e’ anche quello.
Che poi non sono tanti anzi, tutt’altro. Ma mi da’ l’impressione di vecchio.
Poi osservo i miei occhi. Lo specchio dell’anima secondo alcuni.
Ma non vedo quella luce … quella luce che c’era negli occhi di J e P. Quella luce che ora non hanno piu’ neanche loro. Quella luce di J che mi ha fatto innamorare di lei. La vedevo quella voglia di vivere, vivere e vivere ancora.
E mi riempiva l’anima. Ora anche lei l’ha persa o forse io non la vedo piu’, fiaccata da una vita che non e’ come lei sognava. E io invece? Io l’ho mai avuta quella luce?
La risposta immediata dice di no, ma pensandoci bene in passato non e’ che osservavo queste cose. Ora sono diventato piu’ curioso, guardo di piu’ i particolari.
Forse c’era un periodo in cui l’avevo, giusto l’altra sera quando guardavo delle foto vecchie con J l’ho vista in me quella luce. Adesso l’aspetto ma dubito che ritornera’.
Forse e’ una luce che perdi crescendo, forse e’ una luce fanciullesca quella che io bramo.
E ormai purtroppo non sono piu’ un fanciullo e devo comprenderlo bene.



280 Commenti to “Uomo allo specchio”

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    SCUSAMI….ma divento cattiva con tutti quando inizio ad odiarmi…..e tu non ci entravi nulla ma penso che quella luce esista ancora…scusami se puoi

  2.   kris Says:

    …bhè…io credo che QUELLA luce di quand’eravamo ragazzini…non possa più tornare…ma questo non significa che non si possa vivere illuminando gli altri…e facendoci illuminare a nostra volta.
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  3.   serena_ferraiolo Says:

    la luce..ce l’hanno tutti!
    non dipende dal momento della vita..dipende da quello che c’illumina dentro..e ce ne sono tanti di motivi per sentire quella luce..non c’è solo l’amore

  4.   simogiuse Says:

    Era la luce della voglia di vivere, che, in maniera inversamente proporzionale agli anni, diminuisce con l’invecchiare…Ma forse io nn l’ho mai avuta, non lo so…Sxo che la tua si riaccenda di colpo, simile ad un lampo in un cielo sereno…Grazie x il tuo commento al mio blog
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